Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
