I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
