Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
