okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
