oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
