go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
did i just pee glitter
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
