Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
