so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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