Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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