If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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