it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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