I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You made out with two different species that night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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