i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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