eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
