wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
