like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
