The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
