Too much gin, very little bucket
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
