So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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