You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
