Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
