oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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