I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
