I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
