when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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