i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
