I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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