I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
