You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
