Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
