You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
