I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
