i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
