Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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