Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
