I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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