I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
