My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
