If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
