Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
