cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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