My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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