Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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