When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
