Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you would pick up someone in the library
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
