I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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