Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
