I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
