The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
