A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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