Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
