i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
