It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
