I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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