I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
