he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
