An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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