i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
