my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
