No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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