How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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