Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
