I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize