saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
