just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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