i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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