Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
