Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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