If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize