alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
