I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
two words: eviction party
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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