Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
